Saturday- A another wake with Dad.

Well, I need to continue what I started because my world since Saturday went to being on top of things to almost breaking down. I decided to drink again and woe to me. I really allowed myself to spiral out of control but with an arrogance that seems beyond and greater than me. I know what to do and I am doing it. Feeling like shit emotionally and I have fear inside me. I must keep living in-kind and allow myself to be loved and go to work. Writing my emotions out sort of helps my uneasy self, as though I am too afraid to do anything. Drinking has, for me, been an evil that creates a bold arrogance feeling, at times. I can almost do anything or so I think. I have been exposed to an undefined reality through my life feeling that I know everything. Trusting in my fears and blurting them out with what I know. But, my intent for creating this Blog was to trust life were it takes me and dealing with people nicely. I have not drank since yesterday and I have kept drinking this water thru the tap and eating forcefully bannanas and canned beans. I washed and put away my clothes and the bed sheets, I guess my first step, then I am showing up for work tomarrow, second step, then after a day of work, CLEAN MY HOUSE! So I can get back in the game, I ain't f***g perfect and I know it and feel it these last few days, but I still love everybody, I've been thru worst sh** before and lived thru and turned my life around and I can do it again, It sucks being human, but for real I'am getting it together.