Wednesday- 6:16 a.m.

I finished my taxes for 2010 and ended up owing 600+ dollars. The first time ever having to owe anything to our Uncle Sam, and I only made 23,000 take home. Well I made arrangements with IRS to make minimal payments @ 25 per month based on my limited income. I called my AA sponsor yesterday, first to talk about my tax issues, but then I shared with him my week off with Oklahoma and drinking (again). Going to a meeting tonight, I don't know what for, I guess to be somewhere. At work there are some die hard hold-outs that refuse to acknowledge who I am. I really don't want their attention nor respect, it just becomes unreal that some people can hold hate all their life. Knowing my own struggle with that fact, I guess being locked-up for that little bit took me into another perspective of being. I learned not to trust nobody and deliberately had nothing for those I did not care for: snobish. I can't break character now, my conscience tells me, my children all have love and respect for me.

Tuesday- 3a.m.

Well another way for me to experience relationships has been thwarted by what would seem to be my own selfishness. Living In-Kind has limited and allowed me to grown from my inner self. I have managed to allow someone to embrace my presence and with-in the relationship have grown to mend a very bad relationship with the Grandparents of my two youngest children. I was well on my way to facing sobriety when I opted to end my loneliness and entered a, i already knew, bad relationship. It was already tainted with my choosing to drink the adult beverage with her even after explaining my struggles. She herself was well on her way back home after she was choosing to quit her job over ethnic issues and I could understand. So what!
Wanting to move on and not look back is what I need to do for myself and all the kids. Living In-Kind one day at a time. Yesterday I was in a daze. I had choose to enjoy myself, Sunday, and woke up to a hang-over, not looking back to embrace regret, I just want to release my thoughts and continue this BLOG. Realizing that I am not a bad person and I enjoy my time with the kids.