Can't Sleep

Can't sleep again tonight. My mind is just so fixed on past experiences and I just can't find hope for anything. My children are all doing great and my mother seems okay. I am without a home and a job. Every time I fill out an application or resume I regret past jobs I've lost over petty stupid stuff. I was getting some sobriety time and had filled out an application and was looking good then I found out my liscence was suspended. Start all over and took a drink...said some bad things and let some good people down crawled into a stupor and got another public intoxication. FUCK! Christmas is around the corner and I still feel hopeless. I know I am a good person and can do a good job and be accountable but I just don't FEEL good about myself.