Saturday

Being human and attempting kindness can become a challenge to oneself. Thursday night was one of those challenging moments, one of which I was compelled to defend myself, not physically, but more of a verbal barrage. Anger, justifiably or not, the latter I am too aquainted, has been my element of being for the majority of my life. Not getting what I want, challenging my foes, always wanting control and not giving up until I achieve my goal no matter the cost- doing what "I" want.
Pointing out my recognized flaws and attempting to find "the way" or "right path" has been my goal here recently. I never was a fighter or bully, but I can do nothing and still do much. This morning, besides thinking about the other night, I've been blessed with a complete couch with built in beds and recliners. My boys, No. 2 and No. 5, have been helping me rearrange the living room and help set up the entertainment center. Last night No. 1, No.2, and No. 5 all went to see "Sanctum". Amazing story about human nature and survival, all the elements enjoyable for family viewing. I could identify parallels and adventures related to my daily survival, but I still need to find my inner human with humbleness and servitude. Living In-Kind.
Throughout this morning I have attempted to quantify and analyze an apparent, "No Win", situation from Thursday. Feeling too much and regret. What is done is done and anymore I try to justify or correct my might on being right just f****s things up even more.
I have to somehow let this s***T go without getting drunk or using drugs and as far as my pride is concerned I have leaped  right into resentment (the act of re-feeling).